Musical frustration and band drama thread

chille01 · December 08, 2011, 07:09:37 PM

So... in my current band, and in pretty much every band I've ever been in, I'm the guy that does the bulk of the work. The songwriting, the booking, the web site, the facebook, the recording, the mixing, the graphic design, the album covers, the hanging posters on the street, the mediation between members, the troubleshooting of gear issues on and on and on. When I was 20, it didn't bother me. But now I'm older and it does. Rather than enjoying working on music and doing these things, I get all bitter that I'm the one that HAS to do them, or they plain just don't get done.

Now, to be fair these guys are not totally lazy. They do participate to a certain degree. They will hang some posters (if I design them and print them), they'll do some envelope licking if we have to send shit out... grunt work basically. But only if directed by myself to do so. Never on their own initative. And they do care enough to give a shit about the songs, and offer opinions on art work etc. etc. And everyone pays an equal share of expenses. So I know there are people in bands with bigger fuckups than I am. They all continually say thank you for my efforts etc. But sometimes I don't want a thank you. I want someone else to fucking do it. A lot of the technical work they don't know how to do... but hey, I wasn't born knowing how to work Photoshop. I learned.

When the level of effort is about 10:1 in my favor it gets trying to the patience. I realize that I may be just more self-motivated than others... but I'm not into just saying "ah fuck, whatever man" and taking a dog fucking approach to music either.

I don't know... this is mostly just an excuse to bitch about it. But I'm sure there are others in the same boat, who are the main guy that makes sure shit get's done in the band. Or maybe you're one of the other guys, dealing with a high strung over achiever who maybe just takes stuff a little too seriously?

bitter · December 08, 2011, 07:32:53 PM

You have to wonder how you would respond if they did take over more of those responsibilities? How likely are you to get frustrated at their efforts? Especially if they weren't doing things correctly, or up to your level of satisfaction. Not trying to sound rude, just playing the devil's advocate. Sometimes its best to be in control if you demand certain results. I would suggest being honest with those guy and ask them to pick up the slack in certain areas. Even if its just a single task, give them the tools/instruction to do it correctly and have that be their role in the group.

VOLVO))) · December 08, 2011, 07:57:34 PM

I do everything. It sucks.

I won't let them do anything because they'll fuck it up.

I'm a shitty bandmate.

bbottom · December 08, 2011, 08:03:22 PM

Quote from: bitter on December 08, 2011, 07:32:53 PM
You have to wonder how you would respond if they did take over more of those responsibilities? How likely are you to get frustrated at their efforts? Especially if they weren't doing things correctly, or up to your level of satisfaction. Not trying to sound rude, just playing the devil's advocate. Sometimes its best to be in control if you demand certain results. I would suggest being honest with those guy and ask them to pick up the slack in certain areas. Even if its just a single task, give them the tools/instruction to do it correctly and have that be their role in the group.

That's an interesting way to look at it as I am always in the same situation as the original poster.

But be that as it may it is unbelievable just how many lazy ass musicians their are

neighbor664 · December 08, 2011, 08:20:58 PM

Not everyone has the head for such things. Especially the emotionally stunted, perpetual adolescents that so many musicians seem to be.
Good luck with that.

chille01 · December 08, 2011, 08:23:31 PM

That is an interesting take Bitter, and I know there are two sides to every story. Sometimes I just need to learn to chill out a bit. That being said, it's pretty hard to fuck up some of this stuff. If we need a poster for a show, and it's just going to be used on Facebook for the most part, I'm not that concerned about what it looks like as long as it relays the basic info. Someone else could do it and I'd be just fine with it. Same with maintaining Facebook sites. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to add shows to the calendar. We've all got admin privileges on the site.

bitter · December 08, 2011, 09:26:07 PM

Quote from: chille01 on December 08, 2011, 08:23:31 PM
That is an interesting take Bitter, and I know there are two sides to every story. Sometimes I just need to learn to chill out a bit.

I'm just a foul, misanthropic person... I know no matter what, I wont be happy. I could find a pot of gold and complain its too heavy.

I took a break from music a couple years back because it turned into an extremely lonely process. I got depressed at my skill level as it it seemed like 6+ years of daily practice had gotten me nowhere. Couple the novice playing/writing skills with the lack of folks into what I like to play and I had to walk away for a while. Trying to get back into it now, but seems hard to find people.

VOLVO))) · December 08, 2011, 09:43:48 PM

Quote from: bitter on December 08, 2011, 09:26:07 PM
Quote from: chille01 on December 08, 2011, 08:23:31 PM
That is an interesting take Bitter, and I know there are two sides to every story. Sometimes I just need to learn to chill out a bit.

I'm just a foul, misanthropic person... I know no matter what, I wont be happy. I could find a pot of gold and complain its too heavy.

I took a break from music a couple years back because it turned into an extremely lonely process. I got depressed at my skill level as it it seemed like 6+ years of daily practice had gotten me nowhere. Couple the novice playing/writing skills with the lack of folks into what I like to play and I had to walk away for a while. Trying to get back into it now, but seems hard to find people.

You sound like a bitch.

No really, I understand that whole "look at all of the time I've put into this and how little I've progressed" deal. I'm constantly beating myself up about not playing well enough, or enough instruments, or not having nice enough shit, or not being a proficient enough tech, etc etc. It's indicative of perfectionists to want to be perfect at everything, and it's somewhat impossible. I'm consistently disappointed with myself just based on that.

bitter · December 08, 2011, 09:53:57 PM

Quote from: SunnO))) on December 08, 2011, 09:43:48 PM
You sound like a bitch.

Hahahaha, That's a pretty accurate assessment honestly. Touche'

eddiefive10 · December 08, 2011, 10:50:44 PM

My feeling is.... If your not going to do it I'm going to do it and fucking get it done!!!

mortlock · December 08, 2011, 11:13:58 PM

sounds like the fun is gone..when you were 20 it didnt bother you because it was relatively new and fun..now youre older and its become 'work'.
ive been doing what you do from the start in my late teens/early 20s as well, im in my early 40s now and i still do it..i still love doing it. im a control freak and i dont want anyone else doing it. i got to have my hands in everything. its still fun for me. im a lifer. its all i really know when it comes to music and being in bands. i wouldnt want it any other way..

chille01 · December 09, 2011, 01:17:27 AM

It's not the work I do that is no fun, its the work others DON'T do. If everyone was giving it as hard in their own way, I'd have nothing to bitch about. Anyway... I met up with the guys last night and pushed some shit onto their plates. Specifically the guy who is always bitching about playing the same venues can go ahead and book some other ones. He saw my logic, so we'll see how it goes.

spookstrickland · December 09, 2011, 04:26:49 AM

It's a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing. I've been there and it sucks having to do everything but then if you don't it will just not get done and the band will go down the shitter anyway. Musicians are basically lazy moochers so it is very hard to find more than one in any band who is a go getter.

justinhedrick · December 09, 2011, 09:39:10 AM

Quote from: SunnO))) on December 08, 2011, 07:57:34 PM
I do everything. It sucks.

I won't let them do anything because they'll fuck it up.

I'm a shitty bandmate.

i'm the same way jake.

zachoff · December 09, 2011, 10:24:39 AM

If you're not happy, move on. Life's too short to put up w/ bullshit... Especially when the bullshit is from a hobby where you're generally not getting paid. I understand that there's bullshit in good band situations too but that's usually overcome by hanging out, drinking beers, writing good music and playing shows with your friends.

chille01 · December 09, 2011, 02:35:25 PM

Nah, it's not quitting the band bad by any means. All those counter things you mentioned still apply zachoff. It's more verbal bitchslap over a couple pints bad.

justinhedrick · December 09, 2011, 03:17:35 PM

Quote from: zachoff on December 09, 2011, 10:24:39 AM
If you're not happy, move on. Life's too short to put up w/ bullshit... Especially when the bullshit is from a hobby where you're generally not getting paid. I understand that there's bullshit in good band situations too but that's usually overcome by hanging out, drinking beers, writing good music and playing shows with your friends.

i couldn't have said it better myself.

find guys you like hanging out with. it makes being in a band with them easier.