Wives that kick your music in the nuts!

spookstrickland · January 18, 2011, 06:01:23 PM

that's a good idea. I was thinking of showing that to her anyway. I wish netflix carried it though.

thanks

Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 18, 2011, 10:17:43 AM
Sit her down to watch Such Hawks, Such Hounds, and skip to the bit where they are all talking about their 'other jobs' where Matt Pike paints houses (after playing with Metallica) and the Lalli's run a restaurant.

If we wanted success, we'd get some plastic surgery and a pitch correction unit.

We are DOOMed to non-entity.

peyotepeddler · January 20, 2011, 12:19:28 AM

Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 18, 2011, 10:17:43 AM
Sit her down to watch Such Hawks, Such Hounds, and skip to the bit where they are all talking about their 'other jobs' where Matt Pike paints houses (after playing with Metallica) and the Lalli's run a restaurant.

If we wanted success, we'd get some plastic surgery and a pitch correction unit.

We are DOOMed to non-entity.

shit yeah man, i saw that 2 weeks back, great film/docu for any kind of music lover

check this clip, it was not in the version i saw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdZw9VqwW4s

Danny G · January 20, 2011, 09:52:53 AM

I'd say talk to yr wife if you'd like to work things out, let her know how you feel, and how would SHE feel if you bashed something she was really proud of.

My situation was different, as I was working my ass off to play full time for most of our relationship, which she found initially attractive. But then as I got busier and busier and doing more travelling, it became a bone of contention. Soon she didn't want to see my travel pics anymore as I was always "going off and having all this fun" while she was home working. Well, I was WORKING as well. And she has been on the road with my first band (her band opened a few shows and she sold merch). But after a 12-hour drive from Milwaukee to Detroit where she had to immediately load in and play she had a breakdown and didn't want to do it anymore. Boy, that was fun huh?!?

Progressed (well, degressed) to where every time I came home we had less in common. That, and she wished me success, but not TOO MUCH success, as that would mean me being gone all the time. But that's like me supprting her going for her Masters, but not wanting her to actually graduate. After doing counseling on and off for almost 2 years I realized we were two completely different people who wanted two completely different things out of life. Divorce was finalized last April after 5 months of separation, and in those months I was happier than I'd been in the last 2 years.

But that's my situation.

SO.

If you value yr relationship, talk to her frankly and tell her how you feel. Sounds like a world tour for you is a far-fetched dream, so her fears there are entirely and utterly retarded. But also sounds like she wouldn't be very happy about you doing regional stuff either (totally doable for anyone with a band and a computer), which booking even modest shit is a full-time job and will take time away from her.

She should respect your love for music and desire to make music. She doesn't "get it" and probably never will, so you'll have to work around that Not sure what else to tell ya.

Either way, good luck.

black_out · January 20, 2011, 12:51:29 PM

shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.

Hemisaurus · January 20, 2011, 01:02:44 PM

Quote from: black_out on January 20, 2011, 12:51:29 PM
shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.

Yeah, it was believable until you put the physical impossibility in

It's a shame about Danny G. but there's not many of us making our living out of playing, he's one of the brave few, and especially in the US with it's lack of social healthcare, it's not something I'd want to try.

Having been into weird music all my life, I don't expect anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.

My wife for her part, encouraged me back into playing, made me buy my new first bass, comes to shows when she can, and brings her friends, I know she doesn't particularly dig a lot of the bands I'm in, or have been in, and I don't mind if she doesn't. There are some bands she can't even be in the house with, back in the Drone Camel days we had to practice when she had a late class, or she'd just go out and let us get on, the vibrations made her nauseous.

I have a thick skin, I kind of think it's a compliment I can make music that provokes a physical response like that.

Danny G · January 20, 2011, 03:03:13 PM

My divorce wasn't easy, but by no means was a shame. Was all for the better and I was able to end it respectfully and civilly, rather than me having an affair and leaving her for another woman. No kids, no lawyers. It was the least I could do for breaking her heart and dashing her hopes and dreams of having a family with me.

Marriage ain't for everybody. You don't need a piece of paper from City Hall and a big fuckin rock for her to show off to her friends to prove you love someone.

My advice to anyone in an unhappy marriage: if you have no kids, do yourselves a favor and just get the fuck out.

Metal and Beer · January 20, 2011, 04:14:33 PM

This is a lesson every musician lives and (hopefully) learns once, and certainly one prefers to learn it before marriage. Sympathies...

Danny G · January 20, 2011, 05:01:12 PM

Word.

Yes, there is compromise in a marriage, since you are working together to go into the business of life together.

HOWEVER

You cannot nor should you ask your partner to change for you. That is bullshit. If your spouse doesn't want you to smoke weed, then he/she shouldn't have married you and gotten together with someone who did not. You shouldn't have to quit simply because the spouse does not approve, unless it is causing problems with you being a productive citizen.

Same goes with music. Most people who don't "get it" assume or hope that their spouse will "grow up" and settle down and get a "real job" and live happily ever after. Well for some music IS a "real job" and is something they have been working on their whole lives, tho it doesn't usually pay nearly as well as a more conventional occupation. Packing it in would admit defeat, and music is soul-crushing enough as is. Your spouse doesn't want you to be a musician? Well why the hell did they marry you?!?

My $0.02 on marriage in general. Not something I plan on doing ever ever ever again.

tossom · January 20, 2011, 05:10:31 PM

My wife turns out not to be such a pain in the arse, now that I am back playing again I have been given the green light to buying a firebird so long as I put in a new bathroom first!

Danny G · January 20, 2011, 05:57:59 PM

^^^

Compromise \m/,

black_out · January 20, 2011, 08:29:52 PM

You're right, I did embelish a little bit. Her lasagna is just ok.

Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 20, 2011, 01:02:44 PM
Quote from: black_out on January 20, 2011, 12:51:29 PM
shit man my wife drives my drunk ass home from shows while telling me how awesome I was AND giving me a blow job, all at the same time. She makes some mean lasagna, too.
Yeah, it was believable until you put the physical impossibility in

It's a shame about Danny G. but there's not many of us making our living out of playing, he's one of the brave few, and especially in the US with it's lack of social healthcare, it's not something I'd want to try.

Having been into weird music all my life, I don't expect anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.

My wife for her part, encouraged me back into playing, made me buy my new first bass, comes to shows when she can, and brings her friends, I know she doesn't particularly dig a lot of the bands I'm in, or have been in, and I don't mind if she doesn't. There are some bands she can't even be in the house with, back in the Drone Camel days we had to practice when she had a late class, or she'd just go out and let us get on, the vibrations made her nauseous.

I have a thick skin, I kind of think it's a compliment I can make music that provokes a physical response like that.

EddieMullet · January 20, 2011, 08:59:26 PM

My wife just gets mad when I spend money on gear especially when I do drunken a Buy it Now at 3 am on Ebay and wake her up because I can't find the credit card

hayseed · January 20, 2011, 11:22:18 PM

^^^ That's hilarious Eddie!

CowboyJakeB · May 26, 2012, 08:05:19 PM

Got the opposite, fight with my BF, stormed off to practice, wrote an epic two songs, came home, made up

I,Galactus · May 26, 2012, 10:00:52 PM

Quote from: Hemisaurus on January 20, 2011, 01:02:44 PMHaving been into weird music all my life, I don't expect anyone to like it, so it's always a nice surprise when someone does.

Pretty much this. Also, I love music too much for it to ever by my job.

Only criticisim I get from the wife is that self-oscillating delays and/or extra skronky synth drones freak her out. Makes her think aliens are invading.

/complimetary complaints.

jibberish · May 27, 2012, 08:20:04 AM

Spook: COMMUNICATION

did you tell her what you told us? i get the impression that that shit hurt, and you didnt like it at all...

does she even know that hurtsyou? maybe she didnt know.

it would really suck that you make a decision before even talking the whole thing out.
maybe she doesnt want to make you feel bad.
maybe she doesnt give a shit and you need to know that also

so....talk these things out better. explain your feelings and try to get her to explain hers.

ps: your music does suck

(aww c'mon, i'm funnin' ya', you were supposed to laugh there)

bloodofkings · May 27, 2012, 05:22:50 PM

My wife is always honest with me about the music I play. I really can't take it personally when she doesn't like it. Her taste in music is different than mine. She's supportive, doesn't give me too much hell when I roll in from a show at 4am. She occasionally comes out with a couple of her friends. I have a weekly gig cover gig that I've been sitting in on that she would be more inclined to come and hang out with her friends. It's kind of a karaoke thing with a live band. Not as lame as it sounds. Mostly classic rock and 90's stuff. Guys I play with are really cool and good players. Man, you can't take that so personally, you're two different people. Different tastes and all. I realize you're married to the woman and really value her opinion. When she says something you are particularly proud of sucks I can see how that would lump your ego.

spookstrickland · May 27, 2012, 09:30:43 PM

Quote from: jibberish on May 27, 2012, 08:20:04 AM
Spook: COMMUNICATION

did you tell her what you told us? i get the impression that that shit hurt, and you didnt like it at all...

does she even know that hurtsyou? maybe she didnt know.

it would really suck that you make a decision before even talking the whole thing out.
maybe she doesnt want to make you feel bad.
maybe she doesnt give a shit and you need to know that also

so....talk these things out better. explain your feelings and try to get her to explain hers.

ps: your music does suck

(aww c'mon, i'm funnin' ya', you were supposed to laugh there)

Everything is cool now. It took a little while for her to see things from my point of view and how much music means to me and that it's not just a "hobby" to pass the time.

bitter · May 27, 2012, 09:35:11 PM

Quote from: spookstrickland on May 27, 2012, 09:30:43 PM
Everything is cool now. It took a little while for her to see things from my point of view and how much music means to me and that it's not just a "hobby" to pass the time.

So you had to hit her pretty hard then?

J/K - That's just how my mind read that statement. Too many policing classes.