Is it important to you to be friends with the other people in your band?

[bbottom]

Also do you do stuff outside of band stuff together?

[jibberish]

that seems like a really slim selection to have people be both the ideal musician for the band AND your friend

for example, from working with people that are generally good amiable people, you get "friendly" and maybe hit happy hour after work sometimes, but those people aren't your friends as a rule, just good acquaintances. that is a healthy relationship for getting stuff done relating to business.

having a relation beyond a business relation in a business environment always causes some kind of grief at some point, always. office romances are flat explosive, but good pals can become good enemies too.


SO, call me twisted, but I vote: it is maybe more important for you NOT to be friends with your bandmates. whole setup starts out with almost no baggage. 

cordial working associates playing team ball is what gets shit done.

[VOLVO)))]

eh, I have a hard time not being friends with my bandmates. We typically hang out and play board games, I baby sit my drummer's kid on occasion. -shrug- Works for some, not for others.

[Submarine]

Rhetorical question.  Are you in a band to make music or to be social? 

[Mr. Foxen]

Still go to the pub with former bandsmates pretty often, also they still borrow my stuff a lot for their new band. New drummer, dunno, he is keen on obliterated drunk and I'm more slowly sink pints until I lose the ability to wit, and fall asleep.

[AgentofOblivion]

The closeness to different members has waxed and waned over the years.  If there was anyone I just flat out didn't like I would have a hard time being in a band with them, but it's not important to me that we're best buds.  We're in it mainly for fun though, not a career.  And to put it in perspective, we've been a band since around 2008 and I'm the only band member that has the phone numbers of all the other band members.  We all get along, but pretty much only the friendships that existed before the band still exist outside of it.

[RAGER]

If you already see the dudes 2-3 times a week, how much more do you need to?

[justinhedrick]

it is important for me to get along with my band mates.

i define friends as people I get along with and share a common interest with. bases = covered.

[mortlock]

I actually have a mix of both..im life long friends with the gtr/vox dude and been playing in a band with him since 1988.
we always jam with different drummers. some old friends, some new. theres drama, but we're smart enough to mitigate it for the greater good of the band. it comes with cool heads and discipline. that comes with the experience that only being middle age can provide. it kinda sucks in a way..

[jibberish]

^heh.  

ya, the definition of "friend" really needs to be established for this thread.

I have noticed after being in school and in a bunch of places for work, that you get chummy with a gang. you may hit the happy hour together or all play volleyball after work

BUT, those people are people who you were glad you met and shared time and space with, but when it comes to moving on, you just all move on.
Ok, if 2 best friends started a band, the other band members can be oddballs=drama=redgiant. The 2 friends seem to be able to go more personal with their baggage that working associates would dare to.  like fist fights on stage n shit=drama=bullshit.
if members of the band get too friendly like the female singer etc..=drama=bullshit.  how many times have you heard the "no girlfriend" rule because that is too good of friends=powderkeg all primed.
ok that's more what I would take "friend" to be.

sunno, I would still say your relationships with bandmates was good working relationship still even where you are.   maybe it could be called casual friendships or something.
which is what I believe to work the best. like you could all have a band picnic with the families for a cd release celebration or something and party together or play together in some way no problem, but life goes on as people go in and out of this looser friend circle with little grief at the end of it.

edit: my buddy who I play music with is one of my best friends, and already there have been times where I want to tell him about certain music related things which I don't like, but it sure isn't even close to worth our friendship.  this would be a really fucked situation if we were in a band. and I wont be in any kind of obligated situation with him because of that. we will stick to random jamming and playing out and about when the mood suits ONLY. I know my players heh.

[Pissy]

Lordfinesse and I have been best friends for close to 25 years.  Nate came later, but that's been like 15 years.  when we first started Husky, Nate couldn't play at all, but we stuck with him because we knew that he was the right guy to be in a band with us.  So after 13 years of playing together and being friends, we are still at it, and none of us plan on stopping regardless of how slowly things move.  Even if it did end, we would probably anxiously await a reunion.

I think that being friends with your band mates is critical for success, and by success I mean making music you all like, and having fun without having anyone's ego rule the roost.  We've consistently met all of those criteria.  We also make a conscious effort to not stress anyone out with bullshit.  If we can't play a show or practice, then we can't and nobody is getting bent out of shape about it, or giving anyone else a hard time - because doing that would be bullshit.

I have been in bands with mere acquaintances, and as I think back on those bands, there is nothing personally monumental about any of them, regardless of how good the music was.

[everdrone]

If you already see the dudes 2-3 times a week, how much more do you need to?

exactly!  if you see them at practice, I think you should be friends, and for me it is kinda overbearing for additional time

[JemDooM]

Being in a band means spending a lot of time together so for me friendship is essential, being on tour spending long days in the van together, hours waiting around at venues, post gig partying and sharing floor space night after night, moving gear when your knackered, being late to praccy or someone else being late, hours of sitting around during recording, that stuff is all ok with friends, its what sees us through with a smile on our face, being friends with the people I'm doing all this with is essential, I think it'd be too hard going otherwise. We try to hang out outside of the band but our drummer lives over 2 hours away...

[lordfinesse]

Bros first, bandmates second. Didn't plan it that way, it just worked out. Feels right though.

[dogfood]

The dudes I still make music with are friends and or persons I get along with outside band situations.  I've made ok music with persons I didn't enjoy hanging out with but not music I truley enjoyed or still play.  It occurs to me that the patience it takes to make an bunch of music with requires a gob of good will.  So, my answer to the question is yes.  However, I am not a pro.  I'm a pro electrician and I build buildings with cunts and assholes I can't stand, perhaps if I were a pro musician I could be in a band with a bunch of retarded fucks and make it work.  I wonder what Senor G has to say about this?

[taylo)))r]

It certainly helps. All of my band members are good friends of mine at the moment. It's rad.

[Danny G]

Very good topic.

For me I've formed lifelong friendships with current and ex band members, but usually don't see them much outside gigging/going to shows. But that's more me not doing a whole lot of socializing outside playing gigs/going to shows, heh

Some people I've played with have turned into good friends, others were more business associates. How that affected the band's performance is hard to say. Some people that didn't connect socially could still connect musically, and some good friends still played lots of bad shows, heh

But there's also a huge sense of community with the various band member/friends' bands circles I've been part of, we may not see each other all the time but do consider ourselves a family.

Sent from a can on some string using Tapatalk

[Dr.Zayus]

Unless you're a serious, wanting to make a living at it kind of musician, I don't see why you would want to play with people you weren't friends with. My bands are like families and the majority of my social circle is built around music. I can't imagine spending a month in a van with someone and not being either great friends or mortal enemies at the end of it.

[eyeprod]

^ yeah

[Andrew Blakk]

Well it helps doesn't it? But I remember lousy earlier band which were great fun because of the people I played with, people who I never would play with today. Mainly because they don't play well enough I think.

In my current band 3 of us have (or is it has lol...I don't know) been playing togheter for 8 years. The drummer and me for 10 years. That's almost one-fourth of my life. 
We're not best friends or see each other very much outside the band but we do get along well. And we're a great working unit! It's more that we tend to like the same music and like doing music togheter that glues us togheter.

[Metal and Beer]

I need to be friends with 'em, but don't need to hang away from band activities really at all (some stuff would be fun obviously, big shows and whatnot).
I quit Seahag recently because these cats quit being my friends for some reason over the last couple months, which made practice awkward and unpleasant for me. I get that professional situations would require a different set of parameters in that regard...

/bumpblog in w/ opinion 

[everdrone]

I need to be friends with 'em, but don't need to hang away from band activities really at all (some stuff would be fun obviously, big shows and whatnot).
I quit Seahag recently because these cats quit being my friends for some reason over the last couple months, which made practice awkward and unpleasant for me. I get that professional situations would require a different set of parameters in that regard...

/bumpblog in w/ opinion 

Hey Metal and Bar, I see your thread bump here

I think this is a valid move, since most bands dont gig more than once a month or so, and practice is every week!  if practice is pretty painful for a few months and not fun and there is no way to resolve  the personality conflict, then ya it makes sense to part ways.  thats just general rule of thumb, sometimes getting a third party in there can give an objective opinion and help each member get what they are looking for at practices and shows.   Being in an original band is like being on the bowling team and it really is just for fun.

[jibberish]

ah, thee olde "   the term 'friends' needs to be carefully defined to avoid misinterpretational shitstorm" thread.
I still define amiable acquaintances and friends differently. I hang out with my friends.  I have pleasant relationships with amiable acquaintances in all situations.

what y'all also call friends.  but enough of this on-topic bullshit



So, M&B, now that you are free in a musical sense, what kind of music are you really looking to play right now?

you could flat out live a whole other life. like put on a Phyllis diller wig and  white scrubs and be dj Yeti. specialize in boob bouncing beatz n all that n such....
go country for the money. haha.

[sanovine]

I've been in both, and both work. It's more important to have similar musical goals and dedication than anything else. If one person just wants to have a beer and jam a bit, and everone else wants to rehearse to perfection and record an album, well, it won't matter if you are friends or not, the band lineup won't last.
If everyone is putting in the same effort, with the same goals (be great live, record something, just jam for fun, etc) and the style suits everyone the there's no need to hang around outside the rehearsal room, but it rarely hurts. You should at least be able to stand each other, but there are bands that survive even that..

[Ombrenuit]

Band chemistry > better musicians